Nursing Stinks.

But really, it does. I haven't been able to enjoy one minute of it since Livvy was born. I liked the bond I felt when I nursed Jax and liked nursing in general. Livvy is now 6 weeks old and I've hated every second of it. Last week, my left breast started hurting. I mentioned it to the boob doctor when she was looking at my right abscess (that's finally gone!) she said that it's almost impossible to get another infection when I'm already on antibiotics, then dismissed it and wouldn't even look at it.

Well, since then it's just gotten worse and worse and worse. It's a deeper pain than the abscess was. Now, the entire side of my breast is hot, hard, and red. I've been massaging and applying heat, and nothing comes out. I cry every time I have to nurse... I cry every time I'm massaging it. It's just not fair.

Now here's the saddest part. I want to quit so bad. I'm tired of being miserable. But, I feel like nowadays moms get judged for using formula! Formula isn't poison. In fact, my brothers and I were formula fed and we've been healthy children. Formula is a great thing! It gives babies the nutrients they need if their mom can't breast feed for any reason. So then, why am I worried that my friends and acquaintances will judge me if I stop?! Shouldn't we all support each other in every decision we make? It's sad that I should even be worrying about what other people will think if I stop. I feel like it would be better to formula feed Olivia, so that her mommy can be happier. If I can get out of this misery maybe I'll be a better mom. For her and Jaxon. Every single time she needs to eat, I wish someone else could feed her.

So, like I said. Nursing sucks. Yet I feel pressured to keep going. Plus there's a small part of me that wants to finally feel the love for breastfeeding that I once had...

That's all for now.