The power of running.

This is going to be a personal post, but I feel like I need to document this, so if I ever get in a rut again, I can look back and remember this journey I've been on. 

So, as almost everyone knows, Olivia was hard. Like harder than hard. I did not adjust to having two babies well at all. I didn't understand why I wasn't 100 percent in love with this new baby like I had been with Jaxon. I didn't understand why I cried every day, instead of just sit back and enjoy my babies. I got on medicine a few months after she was born, and gained 15 pounds. Stayed on it until I felt better, then went off of it. 

SoMe other hard trials have happened this last year, and honestly, I must have been in denial. I was still depressed. I don't know if it was still post partum depression, or just depression. I woke up almost every morning, thinking that my family deserved better than me. That I was no good. Every insecurity I had of myself was on repeat in my brain. All day long.

In November, I tried another antidepressant, and it gave me terrible, scary side effects, so I went off of it again.

Then the holidays and my calling distracted me enough, that I started to be ok. I started focusing on losing weight, and lost about 10 pounds by Christmas.

In January, I started a weight loss challenge with my friends. Then they asked if I wanted to start the couch to 5k program with them. I laughed and said"I don't run."

I had started that program two other times in my life, and sadly, not gotten past the first 2 weeks. I have never been good at running. Ever.

So my friends started it. Then, that same week, I woke up, and was motivated by my friends goals. I called Anita, and said I was going to go running. She begged me to run with her and her friend Melissa. I've always hated running with friends. Then they can see how pathetic and out of shape I really am!

Well, we've been running 4-5 times a week. We are ALMOST to the full 5k now! We did 2.7 miles tonight, and honestly it was a good night, we probably could have ran farther!

Neither of us are naturally good at running, but we've stuck to it, and I've been noticing the results. 

1. I actually want to run now. If I skip a day, I feel bad, and I crave it. My body needs it.

2. I'm slowly getting better at it! 8 weeks ago I could barely run 90 seconds. Now I run 30 plus straight!

3. And the biggest change I've noticed? I am back to my normal, happy, self. Running has honestly cured my depression. I am so much happier! My kids have a mom who wants to be here. Who wants to love and play on them. I never knew that exercise had THIS big of an impact on our moods. I have a day here or there that are hard, but I think that's just called being a mom! 

Anyways, I am writing this, so I never give up running. I know it's just been 2.5 months that I've been doing this, but I do not want to quit. I'm running in my first ever 5k April 11th, and I don't want to just stop running. I'll probably never run a marathon or anything, but my goal is to keep up the 2 or more mile running at least 4 times a week. Because, I need it!